A lot of people, male and female, clergy and laity, complain and bemoan the relative absence of men in the pews on Sunday mornings in America. It's not arguable. The statistics tell the tale. However, there are a lot of reasons for it beyond some people's presumption that men are just fundamentally less spiritual and unconcerned. That's ridiculous!
Here are a few thoughts to consider. Maybe you'll see some ways you can shift some of your own attitudes:
1. Most of the examples, stories and points are really geared towards women's issues, hurts and pains in most church services. I've been to a lot of them. There's nothing wrong with that, but preachers are alienating and isolating the men. Some realize it. Some don't.
One reason I don't like it is that A) that's not the full counsel of God and I believe He wants us to preach the whole Gospel. B) It's easy and some preachers are lazy.
It is flat-out easier to get "Amen's", emotional responses and then GIVING from women. Women tend to demand less and give more, so it becomes an easy path to grow your church and stroke your own ego.
2. Then there's the matter of all the "Jesus is my Lover" songs that we sing. Again, there may be a place for that. But Jesus is a Conquering King and not a Master Lovemaker the way we make it. There are more songs with "I want to be loved by YOU" and "I want to be in your arms, LORD" and so on that I can't even count.
The old hymns would talk about His majesty. His power. His lordship. We are very sensual and self-centered with our music these days. Most men don't want to be "caressed" by their King, Ruler or any other man.
We sing these songs and (unknowingly) isolate men and wonder why so few want to be around the things of God.
3. The liturgy is often very feminized. You want more men to serve in the sanctuary and sing in the choir but then mandate that everyone must wear the "color of the day" that Sunday and it's....teal? pink? pastel yellow? For real? So I have to go buy a pastely yellow shirt to serve God this weekend?
Nothing wrong with it, per se. But we have to remember that we're making 1/2 of the population feel unwelcomed.
4. Abuse of order. Some preachers like to preach about submission and order and then abuse that by trying to extend their domain into our households. No man wants to have his home run by another man or be in a position where he's not even an authority in his own realm.
Then there's the matter of leadership. Men want to be involved and their natural expression of this is the desire to lead. But this requires a vacuum because many men aren't going to fight for it. If we see women step back intentionally, creating room for leadership and involvement, we will see more men come forward.
5. "Title Inflation" In a lot of fellowships, a "regular guy" is treated like a NOBODY, so a lot of men aspire to titles. They don't get respect in a lot of other arenas and want respect in the church. Deacon Jones is more respected than Brother Jones or Sam. Well, if Deacon Jones is respected, then Minister Jones is even more so! Then Pastor...but when a Pastor wants to elevate himself even more, he may change his title to Bishop or Overseer or Grand Bishop or Chief Apostle...and so on.
We inflate and alienate the guy off the street even further.
6. What is spirituality? Why are women considered more spiritual? Don't we need to examine our definition of this term? The way we have it defined now has a man who likes to watch football or doesn't want to be in a 5-hour service feeling "unspiritual" right now.
Do I have to cry when the oil is poured on me for it to work?
Do I have to tear up when I've heard the voice of God?
Maybe I heard the voice of God tell me to pray for my wife more? Maybe the Lord told me to come home early instead of stopping by the bar? Am I spiritual now? Or do I have to fall out at the altar?
What do you think? What are some ways we can increase the male participation in the church? You can see from my thoughts that I think the way we "do church" itself could be improved. We'll see improvements in our homes and communities, too, when we do.
In point one you stated that preaching is leaned towards women's issues, their hurts and pains, what are some issues of men that are not being addressed? (besides the obvious one of church being anti-male?
ReplyDelete#2 I have asked men about all the time! There are songs that even as a woman I object that are over used, such as the ones that say "Jesus is all I need." I think this too much of this tend to make women, (I don't know about men) to develop an attitude that they don't need a man, or even a family. We were created as social beings, and just Jesus is not enough!
I have a question regarding #4, You stated that unless there is a vacuum, men won't step up to leadership because they won't fight for it. I thought part of the drive of a man was to have something to "fight for" something to be earned? My slight concern for this perspective is that it sends the message that women shouldn't lead, when it is clear in scripture that God chose several women to lead.
Good points and I want to address your questions as best I can.
Delete1 - Men need to be taught about headship and responsibility more. Men need to be encouraged. The burdens of leading a family are heavy and it's a very lonely path at times. Men need encouragement in this and need to be reminded that being a husband is a high and Godly calling, not something to be avoided like the plague.
2. Regarding #4, my point is that sometimes women should actually step back. Yes. Let's see what happens. I'm not trying to kick women to the back of the line.